AMazon Ban HammeR

You've probably heard of Amazon "banning" their users for excessive returns, but i have a different experience. You can get banned from all community and public activity on amazon permanently regardless of status if you follow these steps. 

All jokes aside, you actually get really awesome perks, but also get the hassle of starting over. 

I've made it a habit to write something about everything I buy. I just get bored so many nights out of the week that I decide to write a thing or two about something I've been using from their site. I dont always write good things, but I try to be as descriptive and honest as i can be when writing something for the whole world to see. You actually get a public profile. Its not something that is easily searchable, but it can be visited after clicking your name and review on any of the product's pages.  

So, when you write a really good review, or something that is actually useful to the readers, they can vote whether your content is helpful or not. It can also increase your reviewer ranking. Now, how those numbers work, i have no idea how and what ratio makes your go up faster or slower, but every vote counts towards your "Percent Helpful" rating once you get to the top 10,000 in the site. 

if you dont reach that high of a rank yet, it really doesnt matter, and it updates every Monday after midnight. Other sites say that it updates every 3 days or something, but for me, its been weekly for both above and below the 10,000 ranking. 

I dont know how the site determines placement of ranks, but what you see here is pretty much how they look at your overall involvement. What doesnt show here though is your involvement with Idea Lists, too. The hearts you gain on that also can affect your ranking as well as the eyes you gain on your profile. 

So, if you look at JKT at #7 as of 06-01-2018, he pretty much has almost no reviews. That's where it gets ugly. 
At that point, he's probably getting messages like these on every product he would like to write for now:

and then if you try to battle with customer support, they will give you repeated "24-48 hour response" answers and eventually, maybe after a week of pestering them, he might get an email like this:

Youre pretty much screwed at this point because really, the only thing left you can do is to create a new account and start from the beginning. 

How do you end up to getting to something like this? You may ask. Well, remember i said that i wrote for everything i bought and tried to be as honest as possible? You'd think i'd get picked up by what you call the Amazon's Vine program for selected users, but instead I landed the private review networks:

and because the merchant has access to your email after any purchase, your email could get passed around and eventually to a point where someone in-house, back-door could ask you to buy more stuff for them, write a 5-star review, and then get reimbursed the price of the product - they're true to their word. I got a $150 sous de vide cooker one time and they paid back every cent of it. Eventually, after you review every product and get paid back via paypal for all your efforts, your preview screen could look something like this:

Well, thats awesome then. You can just get paid back for the product and then send it back for a refund!
Yes and No... 
Yes they will never take that money back from you after disbursement, but also
No... because uhh... It makes the review invalid and it could actually hurt the weight of the reviews, you could get banned a lot quicker... and if you have volumes of products to review, the seller could actually report you for review manipulation -so... game over. Do that when you have nothing else to review and youre okay with making a new email to start over - - - but the next one wont be so easy. 
Before you start doing this by the way, be sure you get an Amazon credit card so you get major points you can score for the next month, and your statement will look something like this:

so its extra free money and free stuff, right? Enjoy it while it lasts.

Anyways, I just wanted something to write every month... 
But if you do get messages asking you to review in exchange for product or discount, ignore it. It might be an Amazon representative in disguise... or it might not and you score a $50 survellance bulb that you can actually use at home (i got one of those)! I've learned that If i stick to what I do, i can still grow my ratings honestly and ethically. 

WRONG. I get flagged all the time now - sometimes a week or 2 after I write my first review on the site even just for 1 product. I cant even make spark posts anymore... If i do, i get this:

You can still buy stuff, just not be able to be social about it in any shape or form. 

Oh well... I'll live. Life sucks. Write on. and... get an Amazon Credit card. Its made of steel and its awesome. 

See? Ignore the mess in the background though. I havent returned all of them yet. Just remember to spend at least $50 when you make a new account so you can do it all over again. Just sign up then for a free month of prime. After your first ban, you wont last longer than a month anyway. Good luck!